In a desperate struggle for my soul today.
Being drawn and tempted by my heart’s desires, things that are in direct opposition to God’s best for me and those who are dear.
Telling myself nobody would blame me.
Playing word games of, He did, so I can…
Just weeks ago, this internal struggle would have thrown me into a tail-spin of guilt and condemnation; the enemy of my soul would have had my full attention, and I would have believed in the guilt I bore for simply being tempted, for allowing my heart to even consider places it shouldn’t be.
But today, as I said the name of Jesus and begged Him to just be near, to please help me… He came. And He whispered to me.
Here I am. You know this is not ok. And I know why you wish it was. I know the pain and the loss that are driving your thoughts to places you wish they wouldn’t go. And my heart hurts for you, because I hate to see you suffer; but I promise, it will get better. I can bring good things to you without sin having to enter the picture. Just trust Me.
And the voice was soft. And the tone was gentle.
And I said, This hurts… so bad. I don’t know if I can stand up much longer. I’m so tired…
And I let go.
And I grieved for the fight I had to lose to win.
And there were no more words. Just peace. Strength. Clarity. And a profound knowledge that I am deeply understood, that I am not condemned, and that the help I need to reign my heart back in is just a whisper away. A whisper of the name of Jesus.
The name of Jesus… today, that name was comfort.
Today that name reminded me of how He loves.
Today, I enjoyed His nearness in place of what my heart was crying for.
Today, the name of Jesus reminded me of what is most precious.
Today, Jesus offered clarity, with understanding instead of condemnation.
Today, Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Now let those thoughts go.”
Today, He protected my heart from that which would have undone me.
Today, the enemy fled before me – at the name of Jesus.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13